Homeschool Family

If you know ANYTHING about homeschooling...you know there are many sterotypes that come with the territory. This video by Tim Hawkins cracked me up!!

If you ever get a chance to see Tim in person DO IT!!! Don't walk...run!! He puts on a great show...I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in all my life. We still quote him around our house from the skits we saw him do a few years ago. Check out his website.
Special thanks to my Sista for the "heads-up" on this new video. And a special dedication to our dear friend Mimi!! ;-)

Treadmills are dangerous to your health

This is why I haven't been using my treadmill lately... let's just say it hits alittle too close to home. Let's also note that it is important to keep your eyes OPEN while using your treadmill...or at least hold on if you so choose to close your eyes while using your treadmill. Not that I would know this from personal experience or anything. Nope, not me.


(Dedicated to Ginger ;-) Thanks for teaching me how to load a video directly to my blog!!)

OR.... maybe if I keep at it I can work my way up to this:

Yankee or Dixie...What's with that??

Looks like the war between the states is still alive and well. Harvard University has done a study to determine what dialect you speak...whether you are "Yankee" or "Dixie". Don't get me started on this...I warn you...like we don't have enough battles to fight here in the good 'ol U.S. of A. that we need to dredge this issue back up! Being a transplanted Yankee living here in the south... I've learned to adapt. Yes, I have listened with a straight face (ok-maybe a slight snicker) while watching a fellow Texan turned beet red over the idea that anyone would have the audacity to use the "TX" symbol for Texas...because, as we all know "Texas is too big to be abbreviated!!!" Take heed you wise ones, this type of controversy can create quite a stir. No sirreesir... Far be it from me to promote any type of dis-unity. Although, in all fairness, let it be known I am quite true to my heritage, true Yank, yep, that's me. So, I won't mention the fun little "quiz" you can take to find out which "side" you fall on. Now, I wouldn't want to be viewed as so shallow or anything, so I won't even go there. Nope.... hmmmm...

I shouldn't even allude to that fact that I got a tad bit "worked up" over the results of my "64% Dixie" score... Especially when my dear husband informed me that he, in fact, scored true blue Yank. Or the fact that I made him review each answer with me and only three of his answers differed. Three lousy answers were enough to doom us to a mixed marriage?? To add insult to injury, the quiz called my score ...”a definitive Southern score”. Who made up this test anyways?? I mean really...the majority of my answers fell in the “common throughout entire US” or “around Great Lakes”, mid-west or NE and I still got a Dixie score? Whats with that? Be assured, because I’ve held to my stanch position of a loyal “Yankee” (or at least loyal Buckeye) over the past 25 years of living in Texas, our friends here will NOT let me live this one down. But no, I don't want to stir up any more controversy.

OK, well maybe I do...I mean really...Hey, sympathize with me here a minute…Don’t I get any credit??? I still call a carbonated soft drink “POP” when EVERYONE around us says “Coke” or “soda”. (“Bless your little heart…ya’ll want Cokes? What kind do ya want? I’ve got Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, Coke or Diet Coke?”) Or what about the fact that I clicked on “Crawdad” instead of “Crawfish”… doesn’t THAT count for anything? And another thing… I’m sure that statistics are much higher for those that address a group of people as “YOU GUYS” than those that say “Youse”, “You’un”,” yins”! Why wasn’t “You Guys” given as an option? Huhhhh??

That does it, I conclude that this test is “FIXED”. It probably isn’t even put out by Harvard U, but instead by a group of Texas A&M Aggies that are trying to prove, once again, that the world revolves around “the south” (Texas in particular). Yep, that’s the only explanation. Lawd O Mercy, God knows I love our Texan friends…but they have to learn not to mess with my Yankee loyalties. Bless their little hearts.
Ya’ll have a good day,
Diane

Eating Right

Heard from a dear friend last week... here is what she said:

"Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors... Fill your plate with bright colors... greens, yellows, reds, etc. I went right home and followed the Doctor's orders...

And sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.

Also... note on "gender predictor poll" - Interestingly enough... the results for those that voted on the accuracy of the gender prediction chart was split equally between 100% - incorrect at least 2/3rds of the time!! So, for those preggie mommies out there... I guess I wouldn't put much stock in trying to use the Gregorian Calendar chart to determine what gender your baby is. LOL

How You Can Tell You Are Not Mom's Favorite

A Little Vegie Humor

Someone is very clever in the area of food art...or Photoshop...or both! You choose. Wish I could take credit for these fun pics...but I can't. Thanks to my friend Joyce for forwarding them on to me via e-mail. Be sure to double click on each picture so it enlarges and you can see the detail!!

Did Jesus Use A Modem?

In light of my recent "techinical" issues with my blog I thought I'd post this poem I received via email. Thank you Aunt Bee, Leigh Ann, Ginger and Tracy for your assistance in getting things straightened out with my archiving issues.

DID JESUS USE A MODEM AT THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT?

Did Jesus use a modem,
At the Sermon on the Mount?
Did He ever try a broadcast fax,
To send His message out?
Did the disciples carry beepers,
As they went about their route?
Did Jesus use a modem,
At the Sermon on the Mount?

Did Paul use a Laptop,
With lots of RAM and ROM?
Were his letters posted on a BBS,
At Paul.Rome.Com?

Did the man from Macedonia,
Send an E-mail saying "Come?"
Did Paul use a Laptop,
With lots of RAM and ROM?

Did Moses use a joystick,
At the parting of the Sea?
And a Satellite Guidance Tracking System,
To show him where to be?
Did he write the law on tablets,
Or are they really on CD?
Did Moses use a joystick,
At the parting of the Sea?

Did Jesus really die for us,
One day upon a tree?
Or was it just a Hologram,
Or Technical Wizardry?
Can you download the Live Action Video Clip,
To play on your PC?
Did Jesus really die for us,
One day upon a tree?

Have the wonders of this modern age,
Made you question what is true?
How a single man, in a simple time,
Could offer life anew?
How a sinless life, a cruel death,
Then a glorious life again,
Could offer more to a desperate world,
Than all the inventions of man?

If in your life, the voice of God,
Is sometimes hard to hear.
With other voices calling,
His doesn't touch your ear.
Then set aside your laptop and modem,
And all your fancy gear.
And open your Bible, open your heart,
And let your Father draw near.

Life's Most Important Lessons

The Woodpecker Might have to go! Some of life's most important lessons can be learned from Noah's Ark:

One : Don't miss the boat.

Two : Remember that we are all in this thing together.

Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four : Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six : Build your future on high ground.

Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine : When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven : No matter the storm, when you travel with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...

Hubby and I had a little date last night for dinner and a movie. Amazingly enough, four of the five movies showing this week at our local theater actually have a PG rating. That has to be a first! We affectionalty call our local theater "Sticky Feet", due to the fact that our shoes literally stick to the floor when we step off the carpeted area to reach the seats we have chosen for our viewing pleasure. (The question here would be: "And HOW OFTEN do they mop the theater floors??" eeeeew!) Sticky Feet is only 10 minutes away and charges $3.50 for a first run movie...unlike the upscale theaters down the street that charge (read: steal) $8.50 a ticket. It is a rare date indeed that we will shell out that kind of money for what Hollywood has to offer.

Anyways, our movie choice last night was the new Evan Almighty. Although I won't recommend that you and your family run right out to view this film, Brad and I did basically enjoy it. Aside from several instances of taking God's name in "vain" (the standard "Oh my gawwwwdddd") it was fairly clean and family oriented. Don't go in thinking this is going to be a theologically correct reinactment of Noah and The Ark or a sound look at the character of God for that matter. This is a fictional comedy that upholds family relationships and gives a nod to God's presence in our lives. I wish I could give it a stronger recommendation, but I will say it was refreshing to see someone in Hollywood trying to make a step in the right direction. It made for a nice, light hearted outing with my man. For a more complete review, check out the Plugged In movie review web site by Focus On The Family. Hope you each have a wonderful weekend!!

Church Marque Humor

Middle Ages Tech Support

This is just too cute not to pass on. New technology can be pretty tricky sometimes!! LOL! You have to go to "You Tube" and watch this video clip. What a HOOT!!!

Gas Prices Too High...Consider This

Do you think a gallon of gas is expensive?

Just put things a bit in perspective.

Diet Coke 12 oz $0.50..........$5.34
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 .........$9. 52 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25.......... $10.00 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59..........$10.17 per gallon
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29..........$10.32 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39..........$25.42 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15..........$33.60 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99..........$84.48 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85..........$123.20 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35..........$178.13 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49....... ...$21.19 per gallon?! $21.19 for WATER - and the buyers don't even know the source. (Did I mention that Evian spelled backwards is Naive?)

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or heaven forbid Pepto Bismal or Nyquil!

Can The Spam

Can The Spam!!

I saw this "message" on a recent visit to Ginger's blog. Thanks Girl, this was Too Funny!!!!

Classes For Men... Registration Now Open

Summer Classes for Men at

ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by

Monday, May 28, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,

CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step,

with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours

beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor

--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of

Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor,

Walls and Nearby Bathtub?

Group Practice
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours

beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--
Starting With Looking In The Right Places And
Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost

--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours

beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

(Source: My Dear Hubby :-)

Mom's & Daughters

Ok... I'm on a roll.... Since last post addressed "Men"... I'll give equal time to us ladies.

I couldn't resist posting this Cathy Comic from the funny section of the paper last week. As the Mother of three grown daughters... this just hit way too close to home. HA! I dedicate this post to all Mothers & Daughters...and to the Men who live with us! Especially to those who have survived the turbulent years and made it to the "friendship stage"! Raising girls... it can be such a roller coaster ride!!

2007 by Cathy Guise*wite - Dist. By Uni*versal Pre*ss Syn*dicate

Church Bulletin Bloopers

The last few posts have been on the "serious" side... so I think we need to lighten things up a bit. A few "Church Bulletin Bloopers" might do the job.

1. "Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."
2. "Ushers will eat latecomers."
3. "The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done."
4. "The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning."
5. "The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."
6. "Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 PM. Please use the back door."
7. "Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary."
8. "The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment."
9. "The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience."
10. "The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, 'Break Forth Into Joy.'"
11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience'."
12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."
13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."
14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."
17. "Today's Sermon: 'How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."
18. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "God is good - Dr. Hargreaves is better."
19. "Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow."
20. "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."
21. "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
22. "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir."
23. "Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
24. "Don't let worry kill you--let the church help."
25. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."
26. "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
27. "Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!"
28. "The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."
29. "This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."
30. "Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early."
31. "Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club. All ladies wishing to become "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study."
33. "This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."
34. "The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in."
35. "Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so."
36. "The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday."
37. "Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."
38. "The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel."
39. "A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow."
40. "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice."
41. "The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
42. "Today... Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity."
43. "During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Doe supplied our pulpit."
44. "The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience."

Couch Potato Camo

I had to share this one with you... Hubby sent this picture via email with the title: "What to wear when your wife wants you to do something..." Too funny!!!

The Sad, Sad Tale of The Chocolate Easter Bunny...

I ran across this picture of two chocolate Easter bunnies and had to laugh because of the memories it evokes! Grab some chocolate from your Easter basket and read on...

When our daughters were little, the day before Easter we would fill up their baskets with candy and various offerings. Brad and I would then proceed to creatively hide their baskets.

Like the year I unscrewed the grill to the cold air return vent, placed the basket safely inside and returned the grill to hide the treasure. Come to think of it, that was the same year that Brad lifted the lid of our large upright piano and placed a basket down inside on the harp and strings-securely out of sight. OK, so maybe we did go a little overboard on "creative" hiding places. Then, with great fanfare, we would begin the official "Easter Egg and Basket Hunt". After all baskets and treats had been recovered (obviously, at times, with much parental assistance), the girls would sit down to survey their loot.

This was in the day when the centerpiece of each basket was a large chocolate Easter bunny. One particular year, my husband decided to play upon their sympathies. With each bite of Easter bunny that was taken, he began whining and crying (in Easter bunny fashion) how much it hurt! One child would take a bite of the ear and you would hear "Owwwweeee, there goes my ear", or "Ooooooh...THAT hurts!!". It took about two seconds flat for the girls to decide this personification of the Easter bunny was the last straw. They vowed never again to touch a chocolate Easter bunny. And... sadly, they have kept their promise.

I'm sure this chocolate Easter bunny infraction is one of the many cases against us in their "Personal Injury File". I'm sure it will make interesting fodder during therapy one day.

Just in case you need it... here is proof that our children weren't TOTALLY traumatized in their youth. See.. they have smiles on their faces. Come to think of it though... these pictures were taken BEFORE the unforgivable personification of the Easter bunny drama. Hmmmmm.

Erin, Pre-Bunny Trauma, Easter 1990

Megan, Pre-Bunny Trauma, Easter 1990

Ashley, Pre-Bunny Trauma, Easter 1990

Easter 2007, Post Bunny Trauma

Megan (second born) is seated. Standing L to R is our Son-in-love, Micah, eldest daughter Erin and Josh (Megan's boyfriend)

Please note that the girls did grow up to lead normal, productive lives and, yes indeed, are still smiling. And, contrary to what Ashley's absence in this photo might indicate, our youngest is still alive and well, currently living in Pennsylvania. She and husband, Casey, are preparing to celebrate their first Anniversary of wedded bliss.

Oh yes, let me make something perfectly clear. Some traditions die hard. I found out in no uncertain terms that our middle daughter, at 23 years of age, still enjoys having her own Easter basket. Last year I made the mistake of thinking we could have one large central Easter basket for all to enjoy. No go. She is most content with her VERY OWN, bunny-less Easter basket. Go figure.

Death To Bambi...

Ok, maybe that statement is a little harsh... HOWEVER... Let me be PERFECTLY clear on this point! I have given up on my romantic ideas about the sweetness of looking out the windows of our home and spotting a lovely doe happily munching on the grass in our back yard. You see... I have accepted the truth!! What this pastoral sight REALLY means is the moment the sun goes down, this Innocent looking creature will collect 20 of her closest (and hungriest) friends and proceed to happily dine on each and every flower of choice in our yard.
No matter that I have just paid a big chunk of money to purchase happy flowers to grace the exterior of our home. No matter that I have planted, weeded and mulched the beds to give these said flowers a wonderful growing environment. No matter that these beds are right up NEXT to the house AND I leave the porch lights on all night to expose any creature that may have notions of dining on this colorful array. No... these things to not matter to Bambi!!

So, the lovely pictures I posted last week of my newly planted beds look a little different this week. I spoke too soon when I stated that the deer had not discovered our stash of beautiful foliage out front. Maybe they read my post on edible flowers last week?

Humpf.... I will cease to rant and rave any further... but I AM NOT happy about this. So tonight, if these dear creatures choose to dine in our yard... I wonder if they will notice a rather strong garlic smell and taste to each and every bite they steal. A little garlic powder never hurt anyone, did it??

Photo source: deer@ www.istockphoto.com, bambi @ www.google image, plants from personal portfolio

Christmas Tour of Homes...A little Holiday Humor

During a break from my attempt at decorating this afternoon, amidst the ongoing construction here, I dropped by BooMama's blog. Ahhhh, I see that she is sponsoring a "Christmas Tour Of Homes" today. What a fun and inspiring idea to visit a few of your homes looking so nice, clean and dressed in Christmas finery. Well....ok.... in the spirit of good holiday humor I will join in. For those of you that are lamenting that you haven't begun decorating...maybe this will make you feel better! Ha! I guess a picture is worth 1,000 words...this will give a comic visual for my last two posts (here and here). Here it goes:

This view is looking out over our kitchen breakfast area while standing at our kitchen sink. This work table is holding many of our supplies as Dear Hubby goes from room to room putting up trim, painting and working so hard on his "days off" from his real job. This area is part of our recent addition. I am SO proud of my smart hubby and the excellent skills he has attained over the past 27+ years of home ownership!! I wonder if Joseph was using his carpentry skills the week before that first Christmas so many years ago!!

For those purist among us...yes, we do indeed have holiday decorations out in our home. Here is the lovely poinsettia plant that my DH brought home the other evening...nicely displayed on the chop saw in our kitchen. I thought I did a nice job of color co-ordinating it with the saw. What do you think? Actually...don't tell me...unless of course you can be kind.

This is a partial shot of the new family room we added on and have slowly been bringing to completion. The goal is to finish up, clean up and move in here before Christmas morning. Do you think we'll make it?? HoHoHo...We would love to put our tree up and enjoy our traditional Christmas morning in this new room!! Wish us the best! Hopefully, I will be able to post a few pics after Christmas to show that we achieved our goal. Well, that's about it for now. I need to get back to work! I hope you enjoyed a glimpse of life at our home during this special season of remembering God's greatest gift to us!! I pray daily to keep things in perspective! Leave a me a kind comment...especially you lurkers. It would be a nice gift to meet some new friends! Have a Merry Christmas!!

Remodeling Humor....

Ok, so the fact that I find humor in this comic tells you I'm one desperate woman. (NOT, however, to be confused with a Desperate Housewife!! See previous post) Yes, it's sacrilegious... but hey...good judgement is alluding me right now as the paint fumes have begun attacking my brain. I wonder what part of me is the next to go?